


i hate him but i don't.

by kittyprydeman



Category: X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post Beach Divorce, erik is a meme, idk go figure, lets make that a new tag, tfw erik comes back and charles is w logan, uh wht else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 22:03:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5181314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittyprydeman/pseuds/kittyprydeman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>erik comes back. charles is in a relationship. pretty much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i hate him but i don't.

He didn’t notice the letter before his eyes was stained with salty tears of some emotion he couldn’t quite remember. The ink was running through his hands all the way from the tips of his fingers all the way down where his palms were. It seemed like he couldn’t control his mind anymore, his thoughts running everywhere about the letter.

Charles didn’t understand.

His legs still felt numb as ever -- the physical therapy would do no good. He was paralyzed for life by this man -- the one who he felt a budding fling with. Why did he feel the need to forgive him? Why was he crying? He was in control of his emotions, he was the one who kept themselves -- their family -- together.

He wiped a stray tear off of his pale cheek, folding the tear stained paper and putting it in his coat pocket for safekeeping. He had to collect himself before teaching his first class this morning. He didn’t feel like doing it at all due to the depression that came over him while in rehab.

“Chuck?”

He jumped. He never jumped.

“You okay?”

It was Logan.

Charles turned his wheelchair around to face him with red rimmed eyes. “I’m fine, Logan.” He released a reassuring smile to assure him he was fine.

“Chuck, I’ve known you for how many years now. I know when something is bothering you.”

“It’s nothing, I swear.”

Logan rolled his eyes, leaning down to meet him face to face. With a gentle kiss, he thought, Chuck. I know when you’re not okay. Did someone hurt you? Are you… you know, not feeling like yourself?

I’m fine. I just got a letter, darling.

Logan stood up with a dark eyebrow raised. “And? Who’s it from?”

“Erik.”

Logan sighed. Charles knew Logan never liked Erik. As much as he wanted to throw away his past, he always knew it would be following him forever. It seemed like when Erik accidentally hit him with the bullet the bullet contained all the emotions Erik to have felt during that moment where he was aiding Charles. Only Raven and Logan knew about the sadness that was always with Charles and they both hated it.

“I hate him.”

“I know.”

“Why don’t you hate him? He fucks you, he betrays you, and then he shoots you in the back.”

Charles glared up at Logan for a second, half of him believing the words he said and half in shock that Logan would actually have the decency to tell him that. Why didn’t Charles hate Erik? Logan was right.

“Logan,” He exhaled, a pale hand going to his forehead in disbelief. “Shut up, please.”

Logan released Charles’ wheelchair and stood tall once again. “Sorry. It was out of my league.”

“Logan, just leave me alone.” Charles turned away from him and rolled to the window. “I need to sort through some things, okay?” He gave him the look that could mean hundreds of things, but Logan understood and quietly left his quiet study.

Erik is coming back here. Tomorrow at the latest… He quickly added to Logan.

You want me to do anything? Logan thought back.

No, thank you, darling.

 

Charles felt him enter the school later that night when he was in his bedroom, just getting ready for bed with Logan. He paused while taking his pills from the paralysis.

“Logan, he’s here.” He said solemnly, looking back at him.

“Where?”

“Front door.”

“Hey, at least he didn’t smash a stadium in the school. Might’ve learned how to be polite.” He grinned just a bit to give some assurance to his worried boyfriend.

Charles rolled down to the main floor to the foyer with the assistance of a ramp. He heard the familiar knock that he had heard years ago, but this time with more sadness. With a steady breath, he rolled up to the huge oak doors and opened one, rolling back to glance at Erik.

“Hello, old friend.”

Charles looked up at him with his hurt blue eyes. It was numb.

“H-Hi.” He stumbled upon his words just a bit, shaking his head and rolling back. “Come in.”

Erik walked cautiously into the school that was so familiar to him. “Nothing’s changed since I was last here.”

“Oh, it has. We have a near forty students.” He almost smiled at that fact. The school had been becoming bigger ever since he went to rehab for his addiction -- something Logan recommended to do. It was a bit scary, but he felt better. Just a tad.

“That’s great.” Erik told him with a hint of glee.

“Yes, it’s great indeed.”

Erik paused for a second, looking down at his chair. “And your legs?”

“Still paralyzed.”

“Shame.”

No thanks to you. Charles thought to himself. Externally, he just stared into space. “Yeah.” He just mumbled out. “So what brings you to my school?” He asked, taking his right leg and crossing it over on his left.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve given you.”

There was complete silence in the foyer. Charles just nodded. He sighed. More or less, he was nervous mixed in with numbness. He wanted to break down into tears and just scream at him to tell him in some way that he was suffering and his whole life had changed. He already did that though at the Pentagon.

“I forgive you.”

His heart was beating fast, more than it ever was. It felt like he was going into tachycardia. He wasn’t though, but if he did he’d probably have to trust Erik with his life and he would probably just mess it up again.

Erik let out a relieved sigh, leaning down to give him the strongest hug he’d ever give him. “I’m sorry.” He broke down into a sob, embracing him with a swell of regret.

Charles never saw him like this before. The only time he saw Erik give emotion was when he was remembering the memory of a sweet Chanukah dinner -- in which made Charles tear up at the memory also. Charles embraced him back, rubbing his back comfortingly. “Sshh, I’m fine. Do you want to stay here? We have plenty of rooms, I’m sure.”

Erik nodded, straightening up and wiping his tears. “Sorry, again.”

“Come on.” He said, taking his hand with a half smile up the ramp. “So what’s new?” He asked. “I haven’t seen you in years, Erik. I know you’ve been up to something.”

Erik shrugged, hands in pocket. “I have visitation rights with Magda over Pietro and Wanda. I can’t believe I missed so much of their lives.”

Charles huffed.

“I’m sure you’re busy.”

“Keeping up with a school full of pubescent kids? Keeps me young.” He rolled his eyes with a joking smile.

“Hank still here? Alex?”

“Hank is upstairs, he’s been a saint. Alex returned from Vietnam, I missed him so much.”

“I bet, poor kid.”

“He doesn’t have anywhere to go right at the moment -- I told him to get his bloody ass to college.” He laughed at his joke, wheeling to the vacant room. “I hope this is okay, I’ll be with Logan down the hall if you need anything.”

Erik raised an eyebrow, “Logan? Okay, I get it.”

Charles nodded. “He’s been a saint. Good night, Erik.”

“Good night, Charles.”

 

Logan sat up in bed as Charles rolled into the room, anxious to hear what happened with Erik.

“You okay?”

“Perfect.” Charles said through a yawn, pulling up his chair up to the bed and lifting himself into bed next to Logan. “He… He apologized.”

Logan huffed, “Bastard.”

“Let’s just go to bed, okay? You and me both have a big day tomorrow.” Charles leaned over and pecked a kiss onto Logan’s cheek. “Night, darling.”

Logan wrapped his protective arms around Charles, pressing a kiss to his head.

A million thoughts were going through Charles’ head at the moment, both happy and sad thoughts. Seeing Erik, he thought, would give him some kind of closure, but instead it gave him an uncertainty of some sort. He could feel the anxiety driving him nuts all night, tossing and turning while trying to not wake up Logan.


End file.
